Let Me Go
by PolHop
Summary: Sometimes, you realize you have to let go. With Derek happily married, there was nothing left for her at the BAU. Now, with Penelope gone, will Derek reevaluate his life?
1. Let Me Go

**AN: Honestly, I don't know why I am writing so much. It's got to be something inside of me that is compelling me to do so. Even if no one reads them I _have_ to write them. This story is based off of a song I love and wanted to write about for years. I just never knew what story to put it with. The song came on shuffle while I was at the gym, and bam- the story was there. All of it. **

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**Inspired song: Panic! At The Disco: This Is Gospel**

Penelope looked around the airport. This was it. She had made her decision and as of twelve hours ago it was final. None, of the team blamed her. Sometimes especially when you get older, you realize change is something you have to do. If not, you could be stuck in the same day to day life that never moves forward. That was the case for, one: Penelope Garcia.

She loved the BAU, and the people she worked with. She'd love each and every one of them until the day she died. Sometimes, though, love wasn't enough. She wanted more.

More life, more fun, more everything. And, way less gore and pain.

Plus, she was tired. Tired of everyone around her moving to the next step of their lives. JJ was having her second child, Reid was in a serous relationship with a cute girl he'd meet at a coffee shop. Rossi was married for the fifth time now. Hotch and Jack had officially moved in with his longtime girlfriend. And then there was Derek. Derek was happier than the rest of them. He was beaming with love for his wife, Savannah.

That last one, always hurt her heart a little more than the others. But, you deal with the cards that are dealt to you in life. Sometimes a shitty hand makes you realize you need to fold. You can only bluff so many times.

Virginia didn't have want she needed anymore. She wanted something different. Something for herself. Since her contract had expired a few years ago with the bureau, there was absolutely nothing holding her back.

Pulling out her phone, she looked at the background image. It was one of Derek. Shaking her head foolishly, she opened up her photos and started scrolling. Might as well look for a new background. It was time to close that door on Derek. Penelope had always loved him. More than friendship. More than she would willing admit outload. Sighing she closed her eyes. Last night at her going away party, he had stayed close to Savannah's side. She didn't think they spoke more than a few words the whole night. In all honesty, that's how it was now. It'd been like that for the better part of a year. It was another reason she knew she had to make a change.

And a change, she was definitely making.

 _Montana._

She still couldn't believe it. No one could. That's what made her want to do it more. It had been her secret dream for years. Owning a small log cabin somewhere she would be able to have a big garden. She'd plant everything she'd loved to eat, including many flowers. She'd completely deck out her house with all the latest technology, too. All while being able to look out her bedroom window to a view that could take her breath away.

And, that was exactly what she was doing. She'd already purchased a small log cabin in the mountains. Sure, it would take some time to adjust, but this was her dream. And even though almost everyone she told it to laughed at her. By golly she was going to do it. She'd already acquired a web design/ coding job that she could do from home. She was set and more than ready to finally take a chance and move on, just like everyone else.

Maybe, she could finally get a dog. Maybe two. Hell, she could get a full pack of them if she wanted to.

"Penelope!"

She turned to the voice. Her heart actually skipped as she saw Derek running full speed towards her. "Penelope!" he yelled again.

She stood up as he skid to a stop in front of her. "Derek?" she asked, completely surprised.

"I'm so glad I caught you before you left." He was breathing hard. "I didn't know what terminal you were at."

"How did you get past security?"

He smirked as he held up his badge. Penelope rolled her eyes. "Naughty boy. What would Hotch say if he knew?"

Derek's face lit up. "He'd only know if _you_ told him."

They both laughed. Taking a deep breath, she gazed at Derek. Years ago, she would have dreamt of a moment exactly like this. She'd be leaving to a far off land, her lover not being able to take it would fight though everything to stop her. Funny how dreams sometimes become a reality- she looked to his ring finger and saw his wedding ring still firmly in place- only to show what you couldn't have. "Why are you here, Derek?"

He looked at her, pensiveness in his eyes. "I couldn't believe you were actually leaving."

She looked puzzlingly at him. "Didn't the going away party clue you in?"

"No- I mean, yes. I knew the going away party was your goodbye but I honestly didn't think you really meant it. That was until this morning I went into your office to have you pull a file for me and I realized all your stuff was gone. Everything was completely gone. No nick knacks, no trolls, no fuzzy pens. Anything. Then I rushed to your apartment. I looked through the window on the side and there was nothing inside. The walls had been painted white."

Penelope cocked her head to the side. "The movers hauled it all away. I haven't lived in that apartment for two weeks now. I'd been staying at Reid's. He's almost never there now anyway."

"Now boarding Flight 121 Billings Montana."

Penelope looked over her shoulder. "That's me." She bent to pick up her bag, when a hand stopped her. She straightened and looked into Derek's eyes.

"Don't go," he whispered.

She could feel the tears start to wheel in her eyes. Glancing quickly to his left hand she still saw his wedding band. Closing her eyes, she pulled all the courage she could to the surface. "Don't." She opened her eyes. "Don't ask me to stay, Derek."

He took her bag from her hand placing it on the floor. "I have to. I can't have you leave me…us."

Within seconds, her world seemed to crash around her. How could he do this to her? How could he ever ask her to stay? Especially, when he was married. He had his happiness, why couldn't she find hers? Swallowing she spoke, "I have to leave."

"No. Penelope, you don't."

She reached for her bag once again before putting it on her shoulder. "This is the first step to finding _my_ happiness, Derek. This is my chance to find what you already have." She looked at his ring making sure he understood her. She held her breath bracing for whatever he could say next. _'Cause these words are knives that often leave scars. The fear of falling apart_ _. And truth be told, I never was yours._

"Are you really leaving because I'm _married_ now? I love you, Penelope. You can't leave."

"I was never yours to love," she whispered, as her heart was breaking. If she left the airport right now and went back to the BAU, nothing would have changed. She knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, Derek would still go home every day to Savannah. And, she'd be left in the same exact spot she'd been in. Alone, heartbroken, and miserable. How dare he make her feel less for wanting a change? How dare he say he loved her and show her the truth behind his words in his eyes? But he still wore _her_ ring. He'd still go home to _her_ every night. She didn't blame Savannah. No, Savannah was lovely, sweet, and beautiful. She looked perfect on Derek's arm. Two perfect puzzle pieces. A jigsaw puzzle Penelope was never meant to fit into. " _If you love me let me go,"_ she said.

"Let you go? Penelope I am telling you I love you. I can't _let you go_. You're my best friend. My everything," he pleaded.

"Final call for flight 121 Billings Montana."

"Savannah?"

"What about her?" he asked.

"Where does she fit into this?"

"She's my wife."

With those words, she knew her choice was made. "I love you, Derek, and I can't wait for the team to get some time off. I'd love it if all of you would come and stay with me. It'll be a beautiful little get away. You will always be welcome." She leaned forward and kissed his check.

Derek stiffened. "Fine," he growled. "You know what, Garcia? I don't even know why I bothered coming here. I don't think I'll be able to make it when we get a break. I've already made plans to go see Savannah's parents."

She had a sharp intake of breath as her heart shattered. _Words are knives that often leave scars_. "I understand." She swallowed as she did her best to not cry. "The offer will always be open." She turned on her heel leaving Derek behind. She was off to start her new life. A life that was sure to give her some sort of happiness. Even if that was without him in anyway.

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 _AN: First: Savannah is NOT bad in this story. PLEASE- Do NOT bash her… LOL. Two: thank you for reading. It always means a lot to me. In the end, I write stories I would like to read and it always makes me happy that others want to read them too._

 _Also, the Profilers Choice awards are going on. Go check 'em out._

 _As always. I love you all, and you all mean the world to me. You'll never truly know how much._


	2. Happy

**AN: THANK YOU SO MUCH for your support. Wow, I was shocked at the overwhelming response to this story. You all, always amaze me. Thank you for letting me experiment and try new things. I love you all. And, if you live in the states, Happy Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for all of you.**

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 _ **Four Months Later**_

Penelope looked around her home and sighed. Finally, after many, many hours of rearranging and redecorating. She was finally happy. She'd done so much to make her house her home. First, it started with completely making her place state of the art. Who said you couldn't have technology out in the middle of nowhere? Not her. After boosters, and satellites, she was up and running for anything that came her way.

Then there was her garden. Her own personal little sanctuary. She found herself eager to wake up in the mornings to tend to her little babies. She wouldn't admit it out loud to anyone that would ask, but one of her favorite things to do was to read to them from the latest romance novel she was devouring. Right now, they were chest deep in some hot Navy Seal action, and if the size of her tomatoes were any indication… they definitely liked it.

But, that wasn't even the best part. Nope. That would be her view. Every morning, she woke up to her bedroom window that had the most breathtaking view you could ever imagine.

Sure, sometimes she would get lonely, but that view made up for it. Especially, after she splurged and had the hot tub on the back deck installed.

Yeah, she loved her home. It turned out to be a little big for just her, but she didn't mind. Her kitchen had an island that was bigger than the kitchen in her old apartment. Her living room had large picturesque windows that made the log cabin look way bigger on the inside than it actually was. When she had seen pictures online, she had instantly fallen in love with the "little" cabin. Truth was, when she arrived at the front porch of her new home she was taken aback. Thankfully, the layout of the home's were only meant to look buried deep into the mountains. She had neighbors on either side of her, not that far from where her perfect oasis laid.

It might have been a tad bigger than she fist imagined, but she wouldn't trade it for the world.

She heard a rustling in the kitchen. Peaking around the corner she smiled. Another reason, she grew to love the size of her home. She was able to fulfill one of her dreams. "Potato! What are you getting yourself into?" At the sound of his mother's voice, Potato, a Pembroke Welsh Corgi turned from examining the garbage-his latest treasure - to running full speed- well as fast as his little corgi legs could take him- right into Penelope's arms.

"What am I going to do with you?"

Potato barked as he licked her face.

Yeah, she did miss her team. She missed all of them, but this was the life she was learning to fall in love with, more and more each day. She had the best of both worlds. She got to kept her technology, all while living somewhere she'd only dreamt about.

"You know, little guy. We've got all this room. Maybe we can get you a brother or sister?" Potato barked before attacking her face with love again. "Okay, sounds like you like the idea."

Standing, she wiped her hands on her jeans. Yes, her jeans. Long gone where her flowery dresses. It had taken a while to break her out of her high heels, crazy dresses – she didn't give up her accessories- but it'd been worth it. She was learning to love the feel of jeans as an everyday wardrobe. She wasn't complaining.

Moving to the living room, she looked at the pile of letters on her coffee table. She'd taken in upon herself to introduce the "snail mail" only method when communicating with her friends. Sure, if it was an emergency, an email or phone call was always available. But, there was something about receiving hand written letters in the mail that excited her. Plus, she was getting them every week from everyone. Well, everyone except Derek. But, then again, she had come to realize, he had made himself very clear on where he stood with her. He never wanted anything to do with her anymore. Although, that broke her heart, and she'd still find herself crying herself to sleep some nights. She accepted it. It was the only thing she could do. Picking up the letter from JJ she started to read.

 _Hi Pen,_

 _We all miss you, too. Will and I can't wait to come see you. Once this baby comes out… which should be any day, I'm going to try and convince Will to let us go see you. You know, first family vacation. Every time you descried the view, my heart skips a beat. But now, let's move on to more serious matters, missy. Who was this guy you were mentioning in your last letter? The owner of the General Store in your town? First off, Penelope, I didn't even know they still had General Stores anywhere. I thought you said it only "looked" like the middle of nowhere and in actuality you were only about a thirty minute drive into town. Oh god, is your town only a General Store? Now, that I think about it, that actually sounds really cool. I still can't believe, our tech girl. Someone that was born to be in a big city is living in a LOG cabin in Montana. Four months later and I still can't wrap my mind around it. Hmm- or is this your way of getting some hunky Lumber Jack? Oh my gosh. Is the owner of the General Store a Lumber Jack? Dose he wear nothing but flannel? You need to send me a photo ASAP._

 _Now, that's out of the way. We all miss you in the BAU. No tech will ever be able to replace you. I know, I say it all the time, but I miss that I used to be able to call you and I'd known within minutes I'd have what I needed. You were our secret weapon. But, I am not going to guilt you in coming back. If all my other letters haven't done that yet, this one won't do it either._

 _Everyone is pretty much the same as in the last letter. Reid asked his girlfriend to move in with him. It's actually really sweet. Hotch and Jack are happy. Rossi is so in love he sings old Italian songs every day. Morgan, seems to have continued to pull away from everyone. Just like I was describing in my last letter. He never goes out with us anymore. And, other than actually working we never see him. Hopefully, he'll get his head out of his ass and fix himself. Right now, he is not someone we enjoy working with._

 _Anyway, I have to go. This baby has made my bladder it's punching bag. I'm always a call away, and I expect there to be a bigger development with Lumber Jack- General Store guy, by the time you write me back._

 _Love you,_

 _JJ_

 _P.S. Here are some pictures :)_

Penelope face lit up as she reached for the pictures. There were some of Henry, Will. Some of JJ and her very pregnant belly. Even some of the team. However, one photo caught her eye. JJ and Reid were posing holding a sign saying, "We love you, PG!". But, that's not what she saw. In the back, she saw Derek hunched over a desk. His eyes were sunken in, and his shoulders were drooped. She had the instant urge to race to her phone and call him. That was until she examined the picture a little more. Yup, there on his left hand was still his wedding band. Although, the pain wasn't as bad as it had been in the beginning it was still there.

Doing her best to ignore her urges she placed the letter and photos onto her coffee table. That was her old life. A life she vowed to no longer be stuck in.

She glanced to her left and watched Potato try with all his might to jump onto the couch. Unfortunately, little corgi legs did not mean high jumping power. "Come here goofball." She picked up Potato and laughed as he turned in circles looking for the perfect spot. Once he was settled she couldn't help but glance over at the photos again. Her eyes instantly seeking him out the one man she wished she could forget.

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 _AN: thank you all so much for your support. I know Penelope is a little different here. But, hey sometimes we all need crazy different._


	3. FBI

**AN: Hey all. Love your faces! No, I have not forgotten about FF LOL. I have been so busy I can't keep my head straight. I can't promise the next time I will get an update out, but I will try to be more consistent at least until my stories are done. I have also let go of most the anger I felt towards the show. Hopefully, in doing so, I can work on getting updates out.**

 **This update is the point A to point B so we can get everyone together :)**

 **Lastly, I want to wish my really good friend Karen a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! XOXO**

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"Hello?" Penelope asked over the phone. It's been a crazy morning for her. She'd already gone to the general store, planted a few more plants, and now she rushed inside to grab the phone after realized it had been ringing nonstop while she was outside.

 _"Is this Mss. Penelope Garcia?"_

Potato started to run between Penelope's legs as she tried maneuvering over to the kitchen table. "Yes, this is she. May I ask who's calling?"

 _"Miss. Garcia, this is Walter Roberts of the FBI. I wondered if I could take a moment of your time?"_

Penelope's eyebrows shot to the ceiling. "Sure. I mean, yes sir. What can I do for you?"

 _"Well, Miss Garcia, I hope to acquire your assistance."_

She sat at her table, her eyebrow still raised. "With what?"

 _"I received your name from the Director. He informed me you are the best the FBI has ever had and right now we need your help."_

"I'm sorry, but I am no longer apart of the FBI. I haven't been for months." Penelope had an uneasy feeling take over her.

 _"I also understand that. However, you've come with a remarkable recommendation and right now we need your help. The state of Montana could potentially be in a crisis. We have decent techs here, but after months of searching for any break they have come up with nothing. We need your help."_

"I work in the private sector now. I only design and code. I wouldn't be able to forgo their work to help." She started twiddling her fingers nervously.

 _"I've already contacted your employer, Miss Garcia. They are willing to loan you to us for the time being."_

"Just like that?"

 _"Just like that."_

"Can you give me more on the case, or what you will expect of me?" Why was she even asking? She knew she wanted to leave that world behind her. She needed to leave it behind her.

 _"Not until you agree to help us. It's nothing personal, but we have to keep everything on stick need to know clearance right now. I can tell you, you'd be going over surveillance videos along with determining the unsubs next targets."_

"Are you telling me I will be limited in my accuses?"

 _"Not at all Miss Garcia. You'll be granted the same level of clearance you previously had within the FBI."_ Penelope looked around her home. Why was she even considering this? She'd felt more at peace here than she had the whole time living in Quantico. She no longer needing to worry about walking around the corner to come face to face with someone wanting her dead. She didn't need to worry about being wrapped in something like the "Dirty Dozen".

She was free of all the burdens she once felt.

This was her new life, the life she chose. She didn't want to go back.

 _"Please, Miss Garcia. We are at a loss for what to do next."_

Sighing she looked at Potato. He was currently on his back with his feet in the air kicking at nothing. Even silly Potato made her feel safer. "Are people in danger?" she finally asked already knowing the answer.

 _"Yes. The unsubs have escalated their last few incidents. Two people have been shot."_

She felt the familiar pang in her heart. "Are they going to be okay?"

 _"One of them is stable."_

"And the other?"

 _"Unfortunately, she was not as lucky."_

Closing her eyes, she felt pain wash over her. No one deserved loss. Taking a deep breath, she spoke, "Whatever you need of me, I'll do."

 _"I am glad to hear it…"_

Penelope zoned out as she looked around her house. She couldn't shake the uneasy feeling. She knew the moment she accepted this assignment, the whole life she'd built here in Montana would change. She just didn't know if it was going to be for better or worse.

It was too late to worry about it now. "When do you need me?" she interrupted.

 _"As I stated early, I've already spoken to your employer. We have another team arriving today to further assist us in the matter. I feel it would be best to brief you all at the same time."_

Penelope nodded. "Makes sense. Can you tell me any more about it? "

 _"Now that you have agreed, I can. Unfortunately, Montana has seen a string of bank robberies. One a week. The last two robberies, though, the assailants have gone in shooting, rather than a note like when they started. We are afraid with each robbery, there will be less and less survives. At least that is what their profile is suggesting."_

Penelope placed her hand on her chest. "I haven't heard about any robberies on the news."

 _"And you won't we have worked extremely hard to keep everything quiet. Once you arrive, we can go into all of the details. I also understand you have a specific set up in your home. I can have an office put together for you here, but if you will feel more comfortable with your own setup we can arrange you the accuses there."_

Penelope once again looked around her home. Could she bring that part of her life she'd so willing closed into her safe space? Glancing at her office door, she knew she had to. She'd be limited if she'd tried using whatever makeshift setup they compiled. Plus, she'd hove Potato at her side the whole time. That would be a plus.

 _"I can assure you, Miss. Garcia. This will be nothing like your old assignment. You are more here as a consultation. We will not commit you in any other way."_

She hoped that would be true. When she closed her life on the FBI, she meant it.

 _"We desperately need your help in cracking their algorithm in hopes we can find their next target before they hit again."_

She heard the desperate plea in his voice and at the end of the day, she would do everything she could to help. It was in her DNA to do so. "My set up here will be better."

 _"Perfect."_ She heard his relief. _"Once you come in for the briefing, I'll send you home with anything you need. We truly appreciate your assistance in this matter, Miss. Garcia."_

"I'll do whatever I can to help."

 _"I'm glad to hear that. We have a meeting scheduled at three. Will that give you enough time?"_

"Yes." She bent to pet Potato. It shouldn't take too long to get there. "Sir, you mentioned another team." Hopefully, it was another tech team. It sounded like it was going to be a lot of surveillance videos she needed to comb through.

 _"Why yes, Miss. Garcia. You'll be pleased to know, The BAU has just been assigned."_

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AN: And that's how the team gets back together lol


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